dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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