the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
