I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
