she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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