haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
