belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
