if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
