I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
