Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
