dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Randomize
