Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
