...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
