I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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