Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
