there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Randomize
