Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
i drank out of a bidet.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
