happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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