He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
