Hey man sorry I got all grabby
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
