can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
