ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Randomize
