You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
