I heard we made out
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
she peed on how many people?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
