I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
