VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
