i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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