Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Four minutes until I can fart!
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
