I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
