There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
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