No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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