I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
