My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
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