im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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