if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
