What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm lost and stupid without you.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
