Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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