Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
