god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
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