Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Randomize
