hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
