Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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