ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
