and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
