Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
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