she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
