I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
