sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
