Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
