are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
