I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
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