she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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