My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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