Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
We were destined to go to rehab together
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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