Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
