dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
